Another Weekend In Paradise (And Beauty Skool Update #3)

Amazingly enough...

during her FIRST WEEK in Beauty Skool,

not only was my blog-mistress allowed to real scissors

on actual hair ...but the next week they trusted her to mix chemicals and give Tat a perm!

Which fortunately turned out looking like this...

AND NOT LIKE THIS!...

ACK!

(The blog-mistress circa 1980)

Meanwhile....as for me...
My Ottawan Chaperons have been busy exposing me to life in Canada...

and, brrrrrrr....it sure is nippy in Paradise!

Thank goodness Fidel showed me the view from inside the car!
And by the professional manner in which he touched my sensitive underwires,
I can tell he's gonna make a fine doctor someday...just as long as he remembers to keep his hands warm!

His wife, however, has FREEZING cold hands!
So I'm really glad she remembered her gloves!
Too bad she forgot her sunglasses though, eh?

Please check out Another Day In Paradise to see MORE about my adventures in Ottawa (aka: Paradise, even thought it's realllllly cold!)

Mmmm-mustard Mellow Yellow/Music Monday

Spring has sprung in Northern California

and fields of mustard flowers

are bustin' out all over

and

ACHOO!

so are everyone's allergies!

So if you're a sneezin' and wheezin'...

Why not try MY cure?

'Tis really quite pleasin'!

(And I ain't even teasin')

All you need is...

(It might seem a bit old fashioned, but trust me,

some things just get better with age!)

More news about

my blog-mistress's adventures in Beauty Skool ME tomorrow!

Work Work WORK! (And Beauty Skool Update #2)

My Blog-Mistress just loves the creative names ya'll suggested for her Beauty Skool mannequin heads, but since she left the decision up to me...

I just had to go with TIT and TAT... ingeniously supplied by my

Favorite Canadian Redneck, Crusty (aka: Robert)

Double-D THANKS my ol' friend! I knew I could count on you!

(And your delivishly-dirty mind!)

( . )( . )

Tit's kinda shy...so Tat's up first!

Here she is

Before

During

& After

my blog-mistress's 1st attempt at a layered haircut.

Which took ONLY FIVE HOURS

Yeah.

It's kinda uneven too...

Hmmm, maybe she should consider specializing in

"asymmetrical" haircuts?

Meanwhile...as for moi...

I'm still hanging around in "Paradise"

Helping Med Student, Fidel, study for his exams...

And looking all over the dang house for the liquor cabinet

helping his Wife dust the furniture!

Phew! All of this WORK is really making me THIRSTY!

What A Couple Of Head Cases! (Beauty Skool Update #1)

Today was my blog-mistress's second day of Beauty Skool...

and so far, so good!

(Except for dousing her teacher with water during a shampoo lesson...ooops!)

CHECK IT OUT:

Here are the lovely mannequin heads my blog-mistress will be torturing

practicing her soon-to-be-acquired skills upon! She was very excited about getting her heads until...

she was told that they usually arrive (from "somewhere overseas")

sporting a combination of human and Yak hair

with dead lice clinging to the strands!

(Oh. My. GAWD!!)

So after careful scrutiny (and a queasy stomach)

she was THRILLED....

to discover that her heads have

100% human, 0% Yak, AND totally lice free hair!

But...they also don't have names!

But I told my blog-mistress not to worry 'cuz

I bet MY READERS would be happy to call them names!

Won't you?!!

Please submit your name suggestions in my comment box...my blog-mistress will be oh-so-grateful...and promises to keep us all updated on her progress in Beauty Skool...which for SOME STRANGE REASON, I think is gonna be pretty dang entertaining...HA!

Meanwhile...as for moi....

I'm just hanging around in Paradise,

getting acquainted with the Dishwasher

(Top Rack, naturally) ......and Vacuum Cleaner

(which sucks, actually.)

And waiting for MedStudentWife to finish making my fur cup liners!

So, stay tuned for more about that!

Olga Go Bra!!!

I-rish you all a very happy and

uplifting St. Patrick's Day!

How to Put on a Bra - Graphic

When I was a child and witnessed my mom putting on her bra, I swore to myself I'd never put on a bra like that, what silly nonsense that whole bending over thing was!!

A solid 30 years later and here I am, relatively neked (that's Texan for naked) from the top up to show you just how to bend down and put on a bra.

First of all I'm not a fan of putting on your bra like this, fastening it in the front and twisting it around and pulling it up:

It stretches out the back band, which is ever so important in keeping our full busts up lifted on the body.

I just want to say NOONE looks good bent over like this, but I am willing to sacrifice looking good to illustrate how important it is that you get the underwire/bottom band of the bra underneath the entirety of the breast tissue, especially when there is a lot of breast tissue!

Standing back up to an upright position, fasten the bra. If this procedure of putting on a bra is new to you, don't worry, with lots of practice you too will get it. Which means after a couple of put-ons your arms will be accustomed to fastening a bra from the back.

DON'T stuff the breast tissue into the bra, I see this all the time. Women put on the bra and fasten it, then as if stuffing a turkey they push and shove the tissue, which only makes the bust have a down & out appearance on the body.

Here I am pointing to the nipple location that one achieves by stuffing the breast into the bra.

Instead, LIFT the breast and place the nipple right in the cross-section of the seams of the bra. This gives the bust a great upfront shape and hopefully the slight pressure of the seam intersection prevents and covers the extension of the nipple (read cold, headlights, etc.).

And VOILA, you have a great fitting bra and a good looking bustline when you know how to put on a bra!!

Please contact Bratique Helene if you have any questions about specific bra brands, the proper bra fit, or the best bra type for your body.

Music Monday/And An Explanation

You may have noticed that my blog-mistress has not been

paying ATTENTION TO ME!

around much lately...?

Well...there's a perfectly somewhat logical explanation for that...

you see, she's going crazy,

through a mid-life crisis,

back to school.

So... instead of cruising 'round the blogosphere in her jammies 'til long past noon everyday (and night!)...she's having to go to bed at reasonable hour,

be up before the sun, organized, disciplined and use her all of brain!

Which has thrown the ol' gal for a loop just a little off course...

She assures me that normal blogging activities will resume....but in the meantime, she's asked me to "cut her some slack" and "show a little support!"

Yah, well I've Been There, Done That!!!...so...I guess it won't kill me to do it again...

I just hope it doesn't kill her!

Life's Too Short To Stuff Tomatoes

I just overheard my favorite ol' git, Daddy Papersurfer,

mumble twitter this profound thought:

"Life's too short to stuff tomatoes."

Which may be true..

but,

what I wanna know is...

Is life too short to stuff tomatoes in your cups?

Please offer up your profound thoughts on this (or any) subject in my comment box!

(Click here to read the original article)

Mellow Yellow/Music Monday

Personally,

I have had enough of this dang COLD weather!!!

I just wanna go hang out on a beach...

and feel the blazing, hot sun penetrating my straps...

the soft, warm sand grinding into my underwires...

and a nice, stiff breeze caressing my oh-so-delicate cups...

*oh my!*

I'm feeling a LOT warmer already!

I hope you enjoy my Maui Sunset photo

while you listen to my pick ~

Sea of Love

by

The Honeydrippers

You're So Sweet You Make Sugar Taste Like Dirt! (...or something like that)

Fuel My Blog has extended an offer to their members to try products for free in exchange for an (unpaid) review on their blogs. Last month, my blog-mistress reviewed Smooth Away hair removal product, and this month she sampled the 100% natural sugar substitute, Fructevia.

• Fructevia is a patented all natural proprietary blend of Fructose, FOS, Stevia and Magnesium Carbonate.


• Fructevia is about twice as sweet as sugar so you use half as much.


• Fructevia has less than 3 calories per serving and does not affect blood sugar levels like sugar so it is safe for diabetics, low carb dieters, low glycemic dieters, persons suffering from hypoglycemia and more.


• Fructevia tastes exactly like sugar. If you find that it doesn’t, send it back and the company will refund your money in full. No questions asked.


• Fructevia contains no GMO’s, Gluten or chemicals. It is completely a product of nature!
  

We, (my blog-mistress and I) think Fructevia is an awesome product and plan on using it in place of sugar on a regular basis. Although she will prolly not be baking brownies from scratch again anytime soon....please check out this short video and you'll see why!

Ta-Ta (for now) Mobile, Alabama!

It started out,

as these things usually do,

with a drink.
OK, maybe a couple...

or something like that....

One thing led to another....

and before I knew it... I was hanging out at the Scottish Rite Temple!

According to my marvelous Mardi Gras Chaperon,

it's "the only Egyptian Revival building in the city where two large stone sphinxes are fondled every weekend by drunken frat boys leaving Dauphin Street after a night of partying."

Hmmmm....

better make that "drunken frat boys" AND one tipsy Traveling Bra!

*hic!*Then...

bolstered by my inebriated state, sturdy underwires and sheer BRAvery,

I decided to scale the walls of the historic Fort Conde!

'Til, the watch tower solider nabbed me....

DANG IT!

But, he was very nice and did share his bowl of gumbo with me.

Still....

I was in the mood for a little nightcap....

Thank GAWD Veets is still serving it up

ALL day and ALL night!

I love Mobile, Alabama....

too bad I gots to go!

Double-D THANKS to my marvelous Mobile Mardi Gras Chaperon!

(Now I'm headed back up north where it's c-c-c-c-c-cold!

But rumor has it, there's a nice warm pair of fur cup-liners waiting for me!

Woo-hoo!)

Stay tuned....

Mellow Yellow ~ Music Monday

This picture my blog-mistress took while driving on Hwy 20

near Grass Valley, California during a winter rain storm,

and...

Feels Like Rain

by John Hiatt

...just feels appropriate